Coat Hangers

““Take this most seriously: A yes on earth is yes in heaven; a no on earth is no in heaven. What you say to one another is eternal. I mean this. When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I’ll be there.””

Matthew 18:18-20 MSG

For those of you that have never met myself or my husband, we are very, very tall. My husband Jonathan is 6ft 5 and I am 6ft. Our 3 and a half month old son measures in the 95th percentile for length already and shows no signs of slowing down. I was the tallest in every year group I was in, every sports team i played in, and I have ALWAYS been the tallest out of all of my friends. My husband was the same, he was FIFTY NINE centimetres when he was born. (Just for context, our already super long son was 8 weeks old before he reached 59 centimetres just so you can grab just how long Jonny was when he was born). He was also one of the youngest in his school years so he was always perceived to be older than he was. The story of both of our lives, we are giants and is seems the same fate awaits our son! Us being tall has never really been a massive problem, sure it’s harder to find clothes and fit into small cars, but for the most part we get on just fine! The majority of the time we don’t even notice! Until of course when someone reminds us! We were most recently reminded by my mother how tall we are.

We bought our house last September; and like most new homeowners within the first couple of months we got right to work on all the DIY projects that would begin to make our house feel like a home. (It’s funny the little things that do that) we came to putting up new coat hangers, and Jonny got out his drill and his leveller tool and we decided on a height. I had an exact vision of where I wanted it and Jonny did a great job putting it there. No big deal it was a simple job that was done in minutes. We hung our coats and went to bed, never to really think anymore about it. What you should know about us is that we bought and furnished our house during the second national lock-down, we were in it for over 6 months before we were able to invite anyone in properly to see it furnished. The only people in our house had been me and Jonny, no one else. So 6 months later, my mum walks in to see our house, gives us hugs and kisses, takes off her jacket, goes to hang it up and absolutely erupts with laughter. When we queried what had tickled her, she simply responded with ‘how on earth is anyone supposed to reach Those ridiculous coat hangers?’

When I instructed Jonny on where I would like the pegs to be fitted, I distinctly remember requesting them at ‘tiptoe height’. What I did not consider is that tiptoe height with my arms up for me reaches about 7.5 ft. And with Jonny being as tall as he is neither of us batted an eye lid. This whole introduction ladies and gentlemen is to tell you that our coat hooks are SEVEN AND A HALF FEET OFF THE GROUND in our hallway. I actually laughed out loud writing that sentence because what on earth were were we thinking? We now have a 3 month old son who will not be able to hang his own coat until adulthood, and anybody who is not a complete giant will have to climb the stairs, aim for a hook and throw in order to reach them! It is as ridiculous as it is comedic. But it happened with good reason. We were in lock-down. Complete isolation with each other, we are both tall and we hadn’t had anybody else in our house for months so nobody else crossed our minds even remotely when we were installing it! Me and my husband have exactly the same perspective when it comes to height and reachability so we acted from there.

I wonder, how often do we do the same in day to day life? How often do we isolate ourselves, or end up isolated for whatever reason, and as soon as that happens we forget everything and everyone else. We put our metaphorical coat hooks up so high that no one else can reach them. When we spend too long alone, and isolated we can so easily forget the needs of others and the roles that others play in our life, we can become cold and uninviting, like our hallway is to anyone who is not a giant. The thing is, we didn’t plan to exclude other people, we had just been isolated, together, for so long that it just felt normal to only think about ourselves. And this happens in our every day run of the mill relationships more often than any of us would care to admit. We get so shut away in our own issues and problems, we start do make adjustments to keep it that way. We forget what a BLESSING it is to welcome other people into our space and what a blessing it is to make them comfortable when they are in it! If you ask me, isolation causes three main problems.

1. Tunnel vision. You end up learning very quickly how to look after yourself and only yourself. Most of the time unintentionally. You and your needs become the main focus of your life and accommodating for anyone else is an afterthought.

2. High hanger syndrome. (Not at all a real syndrome I have COMPLETELY made it up). This constitutes making permanent changes to or in your life based on the situation you are already in. Forgetting the situation is temporary. Isolation can feel like it’s going to go on forever, and so, we act like it is, making permanent deductions with this thought.

3. Selective perspective. Even though I wasn’t alone during isolation, the person I was isolated with had exactly the same perspective as me when it came to selecting a coat hanger height, we had nobody that wasn’t above 6ft to tell us it was ridiculous, and so the perspective we chose is what suited us both best.

Potentially the most dangerous of the three is selective perspective. I know I’ve been using the cover of the coat hanger to unpack this idea but it runs so much deeper than that. Isolation can really and truly cause you to believe that you are the only person on earth dealing with whatever it is you are walking through. Be it a financial challenge, an addiction, struggles in parenthood, loneliness, mental health challenges, struggles in your marriage or relationships. The list is endless, we were not made to live in isolation and we were not made to walk through the challenges of this life alone. Under the cover of isolation, life’s challenges thrive, and the majority of the time, get much, much worse. The reality is you are not alone, but while you are isolated that’s exactly how you feel.

If you’re struggling at the moment, I want you to repeat these words… ‘I AM NOT ALONE’ internalise that truth because isolation will

Lie to you. You will start to make permanent decisions based on your current situation and before you know it, your coat hangers are 7ft high, accommodating nobody but you.

Today’s scripture is where I want to land this plane, because I know that If you have got used to your isolation and made yourself comfortable, you will be looking for a reason to bother leaving, I know I would be. But Matthew 18:20 (MSG) says: And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I’ll be there. I could absolutely leave

It there because those words are powerful enough to change things on their own, but what I don’t want you to think is that Jesus will not be with you if you are on your own or isolated. I’ll clear that up now, Jesus is with you every second of every day. Alone, or in a crowd, doing well or struggling, high or low, up or down. Jesus is with you. He has never; will never, and could never leave you. But what I believe this scripture is saying is that when you have been on your own, when you’re struggling with tunnel vision, when you have selective perspective because it’s been you and yourself for so long, bringing somebody else into the situation is sure to bring a fresh dose of Jesus with them. Their experiences, their testimony, their advice could help you to see the mercy, grace and redeeming power of Christ in ways that you had never been able to see it before.

If you choose today to let light into your situation by means of a Godly, wise, integral person that you trust, and you choose to stand with that person in the name of Jesus regarding your situation, Jesus promises that he will be there. And that, absolutely blows my mind. Please however be sensible, I’ve learned the hard way that you don’t need to share every detail of your life and struggles with just everyone that offers to help. Run to Jesus first, ask his hand to guide you, ask him to show you the best person to let in to help you, and if you feel you can’t hear him? Use common sense, choose somebody who has victory in the area you are struggling with, or has a fruit in their life you would like to see in yours. (If you don’t want the fruit don't pick at the tree).

Friends, I understand that these words aren’t romantic, getting to the end of this post you probably won’t be shedding tears and there aren’t many quotable lines in this piece of writing, however it probably has some of the most important principles I’ve ever talked about. Isolation is horrendous, and so easy to get trapped in. So I ask that you remember that you are not alone, and even if you feel alone it won’t be that way forever. Don’t end up with 7.5ft coat hangers. Let some light in, and let that light bring Jesus with it.

We love you

Agape.